It hurts so good

After downing a half-smoke (like a chili dog, but better) and fries at the Nationals game today, my digestive tract was feeling a little less than stellar so I needed something light for dinner. I'm a big fan of both soup and Asian cooking these days, so I turned to this Wok cookbook I bought on a whim from Ikea. (It was clearly translated from Swedish, and features such poetic instructions as, "Gut the shrimps. Wash the shrimps. Dry the shrimps.") The few recipes I've made from it have turned out pretty bland, so I usually have to significantly doctor the results to make them tasty. The additions I made to this soup resulted in a soup rich in flavor but light enough to not wreak havoc on my already-taxed tummy.

Spicy Shrimp and Asparagus Soup

Serves 4

1 quart (4 cups) chicken stock or broth

8 oz. baby asparagus

8 oz. raw shrimp, peeled and deveined

4 shallots

1 tbsp. vegetable oil

1 tbsp. cornstarch

2 tbsp. fish sauce

1/2 tsp. chili bean paste (can be found in Asian foods section)

pinch of Chinese 5-spice powder

1 egg

salt and pepper, to taste

1. In a small pot, bring the chicken broth to a boil. While waiting for it to boil, wash the asparagus, trim off any woody ends, and cut into inch-long pieces.

2. Cook asparagus in boiling broth for 3 minutes, then remove with a slotted spoon and set aside. Turn broth down to a simmer.

3. In a wok or other large pot, heat oil and saute shallots for a minute or two, then add shrimp. Cook shrimp for 2 minutes, then add broth and asparagus to wok.

4. Stir in chili bean paste, 5-spice powder, and fish sauce and bring to a simmer.

4. Mix cornstarch with 1 tbsp. water in a small bowl. Stir into soup in wok until it thickens slightly.

5. Whisk egg in a small bowl, then stir egg into soup vigorously until threads appear (like egg drop soup.)

6. Salt and pepper to taste, then serve.

A sauce of a different color

I love to barbecue. Everything tastes better just a little bit charred, wouldn't you agree? I tried this sauce recipe from my favorite cookbook of all time, The Gourmet Cookbook, and like every other recipe I've ever made from there, it was delicious. If you're looking for the classic tangy-sweet of a traditional barbecue sauce, stay away from this one - it's really rich, and a little bitter from the coffee, but delicious nonetheless. I ate mine with chicken; it's apparently equally good with steak or pork.

Coffee and Whiskey Barbecue Sauce
Mildly adapted from the Gourmet Cookbook
Makes 1 cup

1 cup strong brewed coffee (I used instant chicory coffee)
1/2 cup of whiskey (I used Jack Daniel's, the original recipe called for bourbon)
1/2 -3/4 cup packed light brown sugar, depending on how sweet you want it
1/2 cup soy sauce
2 tbsp. white wine vinegar
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

Combine all ingredients in a heavy saucepan and bring to a simmer. Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, until sauce has reduced to one cup and thickened slightly, about 15-20 minutes. Don't be alarmed if it tastes like crap when you first mix it together - once it simmers something magical happens and it ends up all delicious and stuff.

If you grill some meat and want to put this on it, wait until closer to the end of grilling, otherwise the sugars in it will burn. Which would be gross.

Wasn't pretty, but I ate it anyway

Shrimps and broccolis.

Yam is my new favorite word. Also my landlord sucks and I love zucchini.

Soupage. Also some yams.

I hope Brangelina names one of their kids "Yam."

"Like Pam, but with a 'y.'"

"So your name is Yam Jolie-Pitt?"

By the hammer of Thor, our ceiling is fixed, I'm back in the kitchen, and I've learned that my landlord is an expert in the art of douchebaggery.

On the bright side, I made this and this, like I wanted to, and they were both absolutely delightful. I licked the soup bowl and went back for seconds, with very little shame - it's almost all veggies but has such rich flavor - love it! And the sweet potato wedges were just perfect; the red pepper countered the sweetness of the yams (which are very difficult to cut into nice wedges, by the way...) These are two recipes I will definitely keep in the arsenal. And by arsenal I mean a blue 3-ring binder filled with random recipes. I'm not cool enough for a Trapper Keeper, but I hope to get there someday.

As for my landlord, I hope your wife is a terrible cook and that everything she makes tastes of sawdust and sweaty socks, because that is what you deserve.

Also, before I move out, I totally intend to flush an entire phone book as well as a huge package of adult diapers down every toilet in this house. Just so you know.

Wishin', and Hopin', and Thinkin', and Prayin'

Decidely not in the kitchen for a while, but were I able to cook and eat countless calories without them going straight to my thighs, here are some things I would make:

• Zucchini Garlic Soup from The Kitchn
  



• Deb's Spicy Sweet Potato Wedges
  



• Ken Hom's Peking Duck Stir-Fry



• Clotilde's Yogurt Cake and Lemon Curd from the Joy of Baking



• Ina's Strawberry Scones



• Dorie Greenspan's Hot Chocolate via Orangette
  

Le sigh.

The time has come, the Walrus said...

It's time for a change, friend. Not really a change to the blog per say, more what I would term a Lifestyle Change. One that involves maybe not eating billions of calories. And exercising. And maybe cutting down on the booze. But maybe I'm a little ambitious.

What I'm trying to say is that in an effort to be more healthy, I'm going on a diet of sorts, so don't be surprised or terrified if you start seeing more healthy food on here (i.e. recipes that do not involve pounds of butter, powdered sugar, or cream cheese.)

But FIRST. Below is a recipe for chicken tikka masala that I was shocked, shocked turned out tasting deliciously like the real deal. I've never been a big Indian food fan, but recently began eating more of it in an effort to simultaneously broaden my horizons and to placate others because I'm just that nice, and lo and behold, it's fucking delectable. Except, don't eat the cardamom pods in the rice. Learned that one the hard way.

Just, well, kind of ugly.

Chicken Tikka Masala
Adapted from here
Serves 4

1 cup Greek-style yogurt (I used Fage.)
1 Tbsp. lemon juice
1 tsp. curry powder
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
1 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1 tsp. salt
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized chunks
2 Tbsp. butter
1 clove garlic, minced
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and finely minced
1 tsp. curry powder
1 tsp. paprika
1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 cup light cream

1. In a large bowl, combine yogurt, lemon juice, 1 teaspoon curry powder, cinnamon, cayenne, black pepper, ginger, and 1 teaspoon salt. Stir in chicken, cover, and refrigerate for 1 hour.

2. Heat 1 tablespoon butter over medium-high heat in a large skillet. Scoop chicken out of marinade and into skillet, and cook until no longer raw inside. Salmonella is not your friend. Set chicken aside.
3. In another skillet, melt other tablespoon of butter. Saute garlic and jalapeno for 1 minute. Season with 1 tsp. curry powder and 1 tsp. paprika. Stir in tomato sauce and cream. Simmer on low heat until sauce thickens, about 20 minutes. Add chicken, and simmer an additional 10 minutes. Salt to taste.
4. Serve over steamed rice.

"What does El Diablo mean?" "It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken."

I love this recipe - it's so simple and easy, but the chicken ends up full of flavor and really versatile; you could serve it with a multitude of things.

I ate the chicken with parmesan porcini risotto (recipe here). I followed the recipe, but next time I think I would add a little more Parmesan cheese and a pinch of saffron - a little would go a long way.

Parmesan Baked Chicken
Serves 4
Recipe adapted from The Gourmet Cookbook

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
3 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 tsp. white wine vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
1/2 cup Italian-style bread crumbs
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 Tbsp. unsalted butter, melted

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. Whisk together mustard, vinegar, salt, and pepper in a bowl.
3. In another bowl, mix bread crumbs, Parmesan, and melted butter until a coarse meal forms. Transfer to a shallow dish or pie plate.
4. One by one, dip chicken breasts into mustard mixture, then dredge in crumbs until completely covered, pressing lightly so crumbs adhere, then place on baking sheet.
5. Bake until chicken is golden and cooked through, 15-20 minutes.

Pasta Optional

The pastas, they needs a sauce.

I'm not a big leftover fan. If I do bring myself to save extra food to eat at a later date (this happens a lot more now that I actually have to pay for food), I have to mouth-breathe when I open up the container of leftovers because no matter what they are, they inevitably develop a weird smell until they are heated up again. I'm not a snob, I just genuinely hate the thought of once-good food sitting in the fridge getting smelly, and never acheiving the same level of delciciousness it once did. Leftovers are the Tara Lipinskis of the food world - one brief, shining moment of glory, then a lifetime of mediocrity in a traveling show. Sorry, Tara. It's true.

In an effort to be normal, and inspired by one of my roommates, an 80-year-old Italian Nonna masquerading as a 21-year-old blonde, I made a big pot of this sauce, then actually saved it, and ate some more last night...and, actually, it was pretty good.

Meat Sauce

2 Tbsp. olive oil
1/2 lb. ground beef sirloin
2 (28 oz.) cans crushed tomatoes
1 medium onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 bay leaf
salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat oil in a large sauce pot over medium-high heat. Add chopped onion and beef and cook until onions are golden and meat is no longer pink, about 8 minutes.
2. Add garlic and oregano and stir.
3. Add tomatoes, bay leaf, and salt and pepper to taste, then simmer uncovered for 30 to 40 minutes. Add water, 1/4 cup at a time, if sauce is too thick.
4. Discard bay leaf and serve with pasta that hopefully you know how to cook.

Whatever, soup is way more interesting.

Not the prettiest one at the prom, but...leave me alone.

Here is some onion soup that I screwed up (recipe called for chicken stock, I used beef because I was thinking French Onion, not Cream of Onion, etc. etc. but it turned out okay nonetheless, maybe because I added noticeable amounts of wine for shits and giggles.)

Just had a meeting with myself, and I promise never to say the word "shits" when discussing foodstuffs again.

Cream of French Onion Soup

Recipe accidentally adapted from The Cook's Encyclopedia of Four Ingredient Cooking

1/2 cup unsalted sweet cream butter

2 1/2 pounds of yellow onions (about 1 large and 2 medium)

3 1/2 cups beef stock

1/2 cup of light cream

1/2 cup of red wine*

1. Slice the onions and cry harder than when Leo died in Titanic and you went to see it with your best friend seven times in the movie theater and cried every. single. time. like your seventh grade world was ending as you knew it. Go ahead. Judge me.

2. Melt 6 tablespoons of the butter in a large pan on the stove. Set about 1/3 of the sliced onions aside and add the rest to the pan. Stir so they get coated in the melty butter.

3. Cover the pan and cook the onions on EXTREMELY gentle heat for thirty minutes. Don't want those babies to burn. They should be very soft and tender. That sounds dirty, but it's not.

4. Add the stock and the wine to the cooked onions and some salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 5 minutes, then remove from heat.

5. Let the soup cool (or if you're like me, be a renegade and just DON'T), then put it in a blender or food processor and pulse that baby until it's smooth. This will make it very creamy. And good. Return it to its original pan.

6. Meanwhile, in another pan, melt the remaining butter and cook the remaining onions over low heat until they are soft but not brown and are a golden yellow color.

7. Add the cream to the soup and reheat it gently until it is hot but not boiling. Add the other cooked onions and season with salt and pepper to taste, then serve.

*I used Pinot Noir because it was in my hand, uncorked, being consumed straight from the bottle, and I was like, hey, why don't I just pour a little, okay crap, a lot into this soup that I am cooking? Judge me a second time. Dare you.

Boo ya.

Prosciutto and Fig Tart with Arugula

The recipe is from Mario Batali. I just added brown sugar to the figs as they cooked, and ate it with argula tossed with olive oil, lemon juice, and sea salt.

Cheeburger, Cheeburger

Last week I wanted something simple and hearty and full of meatstuff, and this casserole fit the bill perfectly. I would have put a picture up of the actual dish, but it ended up looking kind of like an operating room scene from Grey's Anatomy - not very enticing. Despite looking like innards, it was quite delicious. The original recipe calls for ground beef, but I used ground turkey since it's a bit lighter and doesn't taste much different.

Cheeseburger Pie
Serves 6. Adapted from here.

1 lb. of lean ground turkey
1 onion, chopped
1 (8 oz.) can tomato sauce
4 oz. mushrooms, chopped
1 1/2 Tbsp. dried parsley flakes
generous pinch of salt
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
pinch of black pepper
2 packages of crescent rolls (I used Pillsbury Reduced Fat)
3 large eggs
4 slices of cheddar cheese

1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. In a large, heavy skillet over medium heat, cook ground turkey and onion until turkey is browned. Drain off excess fat.
3. Stir in tomato sauce, mushrooms, parsley, salt, oregano, and pepper into the skillet with the turkey and onions. Keep warm over low heat.
4. Unroll one package of crescent rolls into the bottom of a lightly greased 8x8 casserole dish. Press dough into bottom of the pan and up the sides to seal perforations and form a pie shell.
5. Separate egg yolk and egg white of one of the eggs. Set aside the yolk, and beat together the egg white with the two other eggs. Pour half of this over the pie shell in the dish.
6. Spoon turkey mixture into the pie shell, then arrange cheese slices over the top of this. Pour remaining egg mixture over the cheese.
7. Unroll the second package of cresent rolls over the top of the dish. Smush together the dough from the bottom and sides of the pan with the dough on top to seal it. It will look a lot nicer when it bakes, I promise.
8. Mix reserved egg yolk with 1 Tbsp. of water to make an egg wash. Brush this likely over the top of the pie crust, and make a few small slits in the top of the crust to vent.
9. Bake pie 25-30 minutes until crust is golden brown and cheese is melted. If the crust begins to burn, cover it with foil for the last 10 minutes of baking.

The Count of Monte Cristo Sandwiches

It's like snow! Or sandwich dandruff.

I am sick. I rarely ever get sick, but when I do, it's always the same thing: a sinus infection. An infection of the sinuses. A yummy thing to talk about on a food blog, for sure. This affliction plus the fact that I have sore arms from pruning the Foliage of Massive Proportions in my front yard yesterday means that this post will not be interesting in the slightest. So, I'm just going to go ahead and get to the food.

These are some pretty fantastic sandwiches that are confused as to when they should be served. Vaguely French-toastlike qualities: breakfast? Ham and turkey and cheese: lunch? Easy to prepare: a sad dinner for one? Perhaps. To all of the above. The real answer: these are a party for your tastebuds any time.

A Monte Cristo Sandwich

Serves 1 lonely soul

2 slices Texas Toast
2 slices Swiss cheese
2-3 slices of turkey breast
2-3 slices of ham
2 eggs
1 tsp. milk
1 Tbsp. butter
Powdered sugar (for dusting)

1. On one slice of toast, layer 1 slice of Swiss, the turkey and the ham, then top with the other slice of cheese and other slice of bread.
2. Whisk together eggs and milk in a bowl.
3. Dredge the sandwich in the egg mixture as if it were French toast, being careful to hold it all together. Toothpicks may come in handy.
4. Melt butter in a skillet. Toast the sandwich in there for a minute or two on each side, until it starts to brown and the cheese is melted.
5. Remove from skillet and dust with powdered sugar. Serve alone or with a fruity jam or maple syrup.

Monte Cristo sandwiches are typically deep-fried, but this one isn't. In case you didn't figure it out. Above is the way my dad makes them, and the way I like them. Got an issue? Here's a tissue. No really, I have lots of both.

Panic Nowhere Near the Disco, or Gee, your loins are tender!

The following dish is what happens when you're cooking for your boyfriend for the first time, planning on grilling some pork tenderloin, and you turn on your gas grill, and it sputters for a moment and then you realize you're out of propane. Brilliant. So you get a little panicky, pop it in the oven, and pray pray pray that it won't explode or turn out dry and crumbly like an Easy Bake Oven cake.

But then you remember that you have this magnificent sauce (from the great state of Texas) that would make even an Easy Bake Oven experiment taste like something from Alain Ducasse's kitchen: Fischer & Wieser's Roasted Raspberry Chipotle Sauce. It's smokey, savory, and and sweet all at once, and can be used as an accompaniment to pretty much any meatstuff, to make salad dressings, even as a topping for vanilla ice cream. It can also be used to power cars and may be the cure for some communicable diseases, but test results are pending.

Oven-Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Raspberry Chipotle Sauce

Recipe adapted from here
Serves 4

1/4 cup olive oil

1 tsp. dried rosemary

1 tsp. dried thyme

1 clove of garlic, minced

1/2 tsp. sea salt

1/2 tsp. ground black pepper

2 (1-pound each) pork tenderloins

1 botttle Fischer & Wieser's Roasted Raspberry Chipotle Sauce

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees, and trim tenderloins of excess fat.

2. In a bowl, whisk together olive oil, rosemary, thyme, garlic, salt and pepper.

3. Give both tenderloins a sensual MAH-ssage with olive oil mixture, and place in a shallow baking dish.

4. Roast in the oven for 30-35 minutes or until juices run clear, turning once halfway through.

5. Five minutes before meat is done, heat sauce in a shallow saucepan. Hide the bottle if you want people to think you made it yourself.

6. Slice meat into medallions, and serve with heated sauce.

Optional side dish: 10 minutes before the meat is done roasting, place about 25 asparagus spears tossed in olive oil, salt, and pepper on a cookie sheet in the oven, too. Let them cook for 10 minutes and remove with the meat. Top with a bit of shaved parmigiano-reggiano cheese.

Notes:

1. This tenderloin turned out perfectly! Juicy, tender, delicious. Who needs a grill, anyway?

2. If you live in the DC area, I've found Fischer & Wieser sauces at the Spring Valley SuperFresh, and at World Market in Chevy Chase. Go get some!

3. There is no picture because in my state of culinary-induced euphoria, I lost all inclinations toward photography. Plus I didn't want Boyfriend to see me maniacally arranging food on a plate in the manner of a stage mother shellacking her five-year-old's foot-high beauty pageant hair do ("Hold STILL, Amber!"). Maybe not so much of a turn-on.

Happy eating!

I know! I'll call my cooking show, "Everyday Mediocrity!"

In a few seconds, I will share with you a recipe for a medium-good stir fry. With pictures! Get excited.

But first, I will share with you something decidedly un-mediocre. And by share, I mean reccommend to you. This isn't Oprah, where everyone in the audience gets one of whatever I think is cool. And if it were, I would never give out PT Cruisers. Just so you know.

It is my latest musical obsession - Sara Bareilles' "Little Voice." This CD rocks. It's great music to commute to, to cook to, to knit fuzzy steering wheel covers to. I'm not sure how to describe it other than to say if Michelle Branch, John Mayer, and Fiona Apple had a musical threesome, Sara B. might be the result. It's pop-y and blues-y and soulful and catchy. To some, this may sound repulsive. To me, it's awesome in melodic form. Listen and love.

And now, for the goods.

Hairnet Optional: Ginger-Lime Beef Stir Fry
Serves 2
Adapted from Everyday Food Magazine (I forget which issue)

The mise en place, French for "shit you need to cook this dish"

2 cups cooked white rice (I like the Uncle Ben's Boil-in-a-Bag kind, because I'm classy like that)
1/2 pound sirloin steak, thinly sliced
1 Tbsp. flour
1 tsp. vegetable oil
6 oz. snow peas
4 scallions, chopped, with white and green parts separated
1 Tbsp. grated peeled ginger
pinch of red pepper flakes
juice of 1 lime
salt and pepper

1. Place sliced steak in a medium bowl. Sprinkle with flour and season with salt and pepper. Toss to coat.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook the steak for 1-2 minutes until browned on one side (not cooked all the way through.)

3. Add peas, white part of scallions, ginger, red pepper flakes, and 1/2 cup of water to skillet. Add more salt and pepper if desired. Cook 3-4 more minutes ('til steak is cooked through), turn off stove, and stir in lime juice and green part of scallions.

4. Serve over cooked rice.

Addendum: So, the more I look at the picture above, the more it disgusts me. I know everyone loves a visual aid, but honestly, doesn't the steak look foul there? All gray and Mystery Meat-y, like it should be served up by an obese woman named Sal in a hairnet. Ugh. I promise it doesn't taste as awful as it looks. But, if you never attempt this stir fry, I wouldn't blame you.

A winning combination. Like a martini and a Percocet.

You could maybe sprinkle some Ecstasy on it. That might be good.

Last week I ate at Paolo’s with my roommate and her family (delish, B.T. dubs.) They had a salad on the menu featuring watermelon and feta, which I did not order but have been obsessing about ever since. I finally made my own, and the result was so tasty – refreshing, tart, and sweet, with a little creamy, salty, and nutty thrown in with the feta and pine nuts. A perfect summer salad. Also, I realize that you're supposed to use 3 parts oil for 1 part vinegar in a vinaigrette, blah, blah, but I really like basalmic and don't really see the point in adding lots of fatty oil. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Watermelon, Feta, and Mixed Greens with Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette

1 bag pre-washed spring mix lettuce (5 oz. of baby greens, spinach, and raddichio, whatev)
1 ½ cups seedless watermelon, cubed and bite-sized (I just bought a container of pre-sliced watermelon)
¾ cup feta cheese, crumbled
¼ cup pine nuts
¼ cup balsamic vinegar
3 tsp. honey
2 Tbsp. olive oil

1. In a small skillet, toast the pine nuts over medium-high heat for a minute or two. (Basically, dump the pine nuts in the skillet – no oil – and wiggle them around over the heat until they brown a bit and begin to smell nutty. This really brings out their flavor. Be careful to keep the nuts moving, though, as they can burn easily. Feel free to announce to everyone in the vicinity that you’re “keeping the nuts moving.”) Remove from heat and let cool.
2. In one of those glass salad dressing mixer things, shake up the balsamic vinegar, honey, and olive oil. (Or whisk ‘em together in a bowl if you’re not fortunate enough to possess a glass salad dressing mixer thing.)
3. Toss the greens, ½ cup of feta, and the pine nuts in the vinaigrette in a large bowl. After tossing, throw the watermelon and remaining feta on top of the greens and serve. (I was hesitant to toss the watermelon with the rest because I didn’t want it to get smushed up.) Yum.

Yes, it's pronounced like it looks: Oeuf à la Coque

Last year, I studied in Paris, France. I lived with Mme. De Billy, a charming old French woman who made me dinner Monday through Thursday. Her culinary repertoire wasn’t very varied, but it was delicious, and one of my favorite things she made was the simplest – oeuf à la coque. This is essentially a soft-boiled egg, but it sounds so much fancier in French, although the first time Madame said it I snorted wine out of my nose because I am that mature. Served with mouillettes (buttered pieces of bread) in a coquetier (egg cup – Crate and Barrel has ‘em on sale right now!), it is a great way to enjoy an egg, provided you don’t mind a slight risk of salmonella. But everything exciting involves a little risk, non?

Oeuf à la Coque avec des Mouillettes
Serves 1

1 egg
2 slices of bread, any kind – we’re not picky here
butter, a little or a lot depending on your cholesterol
salt

Special equipment: egg cup

1. In a small saucepan, bring some water to a boil.
2. When the water is boiling, drop your egg gently in.
3. While the egg is boiling, toast two pieces of bread, butter them, and cut them into strips.
4. After 3 minutes (no more, no less, says Madame), remove the egg and place it in its little cup.
5. With the edge of a spoon, gently tap around the top of the egg in a circle until you’ve formed a little cap that you can take off. Remove cap and give to your hamster to maybe use as a hat.
6. Sprinkle a bit of salt inside of the egg, then dip your bread fingers (mmm fingers made of bread) inside and eat.
*Note: I like to eat this with some steamed broccoli drizzled with olive oil and sea salt for a simple, healthy, French-y dinner.

Photo credit: crateandbarrel.com.