Holiday

This is where I come from:

"Oh. I guess we'll be getting you some Crest white strips for Christmas." -my grandmother's first words to my brother after not seeing him for four months

"Teri Hatcher." -my father's answer when asked his favorite Disney character

"Lindsay Lohan, tattoos, dark chocolate, the color black." -my 6-year-old cousin's list of dislikes on her "All About Me" poster for her first grade class

The Soulja Boy Dance - what my 9-year-old cousin taught me this evening

"I guess my favorite thing about myself is that...I'm hot." -a direct quote from the Soulja Boy-dancing 9-year-old

Four - the number of times I was asked if I have a boyfriend in a two-hour timespan

A typical exchange:

"Do you taste the Cointreau in those cranberries?"

"The potatoes?"

"No, the cranberries."

"I don't taste any cilantro in those cranberries."

"Nooo Mom, Cointreau."

"What's Cointreau?"

"It's orange-flavored liqueur."

"Ooooh give me some more cranberries, then."

You can't make this stuff up, folks. May the wine flow freely and may your family be as entertaining as mine.