Let's Discuss: The GBF

The Girl Best Friend. The GBF. Why do they exist? To torture other women, naturally. Everyone knows the GBF secretly wants to be the GF. Why else would she text your boyfriend every hour on the hour? Leave him messages with cute secret acronyms that actually mean, "I'm in love with you. Let's make some babies?" Have him fly home to England this weekend for her birthday party?

And clearly, his gchat message that's a countdown until he sees her is just because she's a great friend.

I'm not speaking in specifics, though. Obviously.

They've been friends for like, ever. And of course there's no attraction there. Even though she's blonde and has huge boobs. Like, post-op Marisa Miller huge. (This is apparent from the copious photos of them together on Facebook. Lo and behold, her profile picture is of the two of them. The boy and her, not her boobs. Shocker. Not that I've looked or anything.)

Note: I am a brunette and a card-carrying member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Consequently, I hate Marisa Miller with the fire of a thousand suns.

I know what you'll say, though. Obviously, if this is something I'm worried about, I've got some Deep-Seated Issues and am clearly insecure in my relationship. I'm actually quite secure, thank you, and he actually has never given any indication that he feels anything more than brotherly to her.

But I know women. Fuck, I am one. And I've got a sneaking suspicion that she feels a bit more than sisterly toward him.

Any woman is lying through her teeth if she tries to tell you this situation wouldn't bother her the tiniest bit.

The worst part of it is, what do you say? Any questions you may have or anything that expresses discomfort with the situation makes you seem like Insecure Psycho Woman, while she's just good old [insert stupid poncy British chick name here] who will laugh about it when he incredulously tells her that you think she's got feelings for him.

While secretly she's thinking, well duh, and delighting in the fact that the score is now her 1, you nil.

So instead, the best thing to do is rant in a passive-agressive way on your blog that no one you know reads. Naturally, and pray that GBFs everywhere read this and take this advice:

If you are a GBF, a true and good GBF, you will gracefully step aside and BACK THE FUCK OFF if your MBF, man best friend, starts dating someone. Those are Girl Rules. I play by them, and you darn well should, too.

Photo Credit: Christian Lantry/Getty Images