How about just spit in my eye and call it a day?

I frequently get J. Crew e-mails that are titled, "Spring Dresses!" "Fun, Uber-Preppy Summer Clothes That Are Right Up Your Alley!" but should really be entitled, "Too Bad You Are Poor And Cannot Afford Anything In This E-mail!" "Maybe When You Graduate You Won't Have to Shop At Target and Dollar Tree!"

And I usually browse them and send links to my mom in the hopes that she will really be missing me that day and may pop over to the mall on a whim and see the adorable dress/skirt/blouse I just so happened to send her in said e-mail and say to herself, "Bah, it's only money. Let's refinance the house so Kate can have the wardrobe she wants."

It's true, I love everything J. Crew and/or sickeningly preppy, and it's partially her fault - I come from a family that takes portraits in matching khakis and white polo shirts, whose men all have the same "Republican Swoop" hairdo, and whose women wear Lilly Pulitzer on a daily basis to the country club in the summer. Without irony.

Note the swoop. Oddly enough, John Edwards is a Democrat. How did that happen?

It's pretty sick.

And all this was well and good, until I moved out into what most people call "real life," and realized that things cost money. I subsequently concluded that J.Crew is actually pretty fucking ridiculous in terms of what they charge for say, a t-shirt, but I always held a soft spot for it and even occasionally blew a paycheck or two or three on shopping sprees there.

Until today.

They unveiled their yoga collection, and sent me an e-mail announcing it. And I was all, oh sweet, I'm gonna save up and get me some yoga gear. And then I looked at the price, and get this, friends - a CAMISOLE is $40. Now, unless this camisole is not only going to help me do a Downward Dog for 20 minutes without my arms and legs even feeling it, but make me look like I have washboard abs, and curb my appetite between meals, J. Crew can go suck it.

I'm taking my $40 elsewhere...like Dollar Tree...where I can by 40 pieces of crap I don't need, but where I at least know they won't overcharge me for a polka dot scrunchie.