As I was rotting my brain in front of the television yesterday (having left work early to admit the plumber to my drainage-challenged house), I had the following thoughts about the cultural phenomenon that's changing the way we live, Top Chef Miami:
1. Bravo is a great television station, for having Top Chef marathons every other day. (The same goes for VH1 and Top Model marathons. Really, stations, are you purposely trying to render me a completely unproductive member of society?)
2. It's pretty sad that I watch marathons of anything, and that watching said marathons is the closet I'll ever get to actually participating in one of any kind.
3. I don't care what my friends say, I do not have a Daddy complex just because I find Chef Tom hot. (Something about his shiny bald head, the way his last name rolls of the tongue - COLICCHIO, Coliiiiiichio - and his ability to cut through contestants' bullshit -"Taking pannacotta and freezing it does not make a semifreddo!"- ugh, gets me every time.)
4. Several things bother me about Padma:
- the scar (I know she got it in some horrible accident and I should be empathetic, but it's just so shiny)
- the fact that she's married to Salman Rushdie (WHAT? he may be a genius, but how the F did that happen?)
- that she is a supermodel-actress-writer-FOOD EXPERT? huh? Plus, her voice just irritates me.
5. I would never eat at a restaurant where Howie worked, as sweat is not an ingredient I enjoy in a meal. The man perspires a bathtub's worth every episode. Why has no one addressed this? They literally show him DRIPPING IN THE FOOD. And his mood swings are those of a 13-year-old girl. ("I hate Joey. I love Joey.") Kick him OFF, already.
6. I have a huge girl crush on Casey. ("No, seriously. Can I be you?")
7. Rocco diSpirito: Major hottie. (Did I just say "hottie?") Major asshole. If Top Chef were high school, he'd be the guy that everyone follows around and wants to be (or bang), but no one actually likes.
I have way too much time on my hands.
1. Bravo is a great television station, for having Top Chef marathons every other day. (The same goes for VH1 and Top Model marathons. Really, stations, are you purposely trying to render me a completely unproductive member of society?)
2. It's pretty sad that I watch marathons of anything, and that watching said marathons is the closet I'll ever get to actually participating in one of any kind.
3. I don't care what my friends say, I do not have a Daddy complex just because I find Chef Tom hot. (Something about his shiny bald head, the way his last name rolls of the tongue - COLICCHIO, Coliiiiiichio - and his ability to cut through contestants' bullshit -"Taking pannacotta and freezing it does not make a semifreddo!"- ugh, gets me every time.)
4. Several things bother me about Padma:
- the scar (I know she got it in some horrible accident and I should be empathetic, but it's just so shiny)
- the fact that she's married to Salman Rushdie (WHAT? he may be a genius, but how the F did that happen?)
- that she is a supermodel-actress-writer-FOOD EXPERT? huh? Plus, her voice just irritates me.
5. I would never eat at a restaurant where Howie worked, as sweat is not an ingredient I enjoy in a meal. The man perspires a bathtub's worth every episode. Why has no one addressed this? They literally show him DRIPPING IN THE FOOD. And his mood swings are those of a 13-year-old girl. ("I hate Joey. I love Joey.") Kick him OFF, already.
6. I have a huge girl crush on Casey. ("No, seriously. Can I be you?")
7. Rocco diSpirito: Major hottie. (Did I just say "hottie?") Major asshole. If Top Chef were high school, he'd be the guy that everyone follows around and wants to be (or bang), but no one actually likes.
I have way too much time on my hands.
1 comment:
Padma and Rushdie are actually divorcing, and there's speculation that Colicchio might be at the root of their problems. . .
Also, I want to climb CJ like a tree. I love him so much.
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